Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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