Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
