I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
