Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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