do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
