thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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