he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My penis needs a shock collar
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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