I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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