it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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