Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
