the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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