apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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