sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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