So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize