I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
