i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
