I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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