I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
