then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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