What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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