Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
