she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Pappa wants mamma naked
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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