I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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