only if we run a train.
done.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
