In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He passed out mid-signature
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
