....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
this hospital has no fireball
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
