Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
