he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
