I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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