If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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