Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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