i just wanna soil my oats bro
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
