Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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