just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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