Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
