my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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