you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
