We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She bit a glass in half.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
