STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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