I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
