I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
