dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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