I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
