I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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