I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
