I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
