All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
