You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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