I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
