Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i barfeds in our rink
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
