I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
