so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
jump out the window naked night went bad
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