Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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