Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
