Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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