its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it because I queefed?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
