On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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