I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
