Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My ass is underappreciated
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
