my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
