Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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