I'm jealous of your bromance
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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