We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
