just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize