Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
