I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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