The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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