Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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