What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
